Saturday, January 17, 2009

Twilight jokes

A few jokes I found that people made to do with the twilight series:

- How do you stop Jacob Black from attacking you?
You pick up a stick, throw it and yell 'fetch'!

- Why can't people stay angry at Jasper Hale?
He calms them

- Rosalie Hale was told to find something just as or more beautiful then herself.
She came back with a mirror...

- Alice Cullen and the Hulk were on a cruise and the ship sank, and they got trapped on an island, who would win a fight between them?
There would be no fight becasue Alice would have seen the ship sink in her visions and never got on!

-Jasper will never be a therapist becasue he already knows how you feel about that.

-What happened to the man who kept a secret from Edward Cullen?
Nothing, Edward already knew what the secret was!

-What happened when Emmett Cullen stubbed his toe?
He made the whole city collapse ;)

-How many Twilighters does it take to screw on a light bulb?
I don't know, they're all too busy fighting over who gets to be Mrs Cullen

-How do you irritate Edward Cullen?
Buy him a dog and call it Jacob!

-Jasper Hales first job was as a paperboy, there were no survivors.

The last one is my favourite!

Thanks to who ever came up with these jokes! you bought a smile to my face :D
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21 comments:

  1. UnknownJune 5, 2009 at 4:30 AM

    Hey!I was just checking up for more Twilight jokes and I foudn these. Funnily enogh, I came up with most of them, and I emailed and texted all of these around.
    Glad to know you liked them :D
    I'll post some more here when I come up with them!
    Luv ya,
    Caiti!

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownJune 24, 2009 at 12:17 AM

    i hav a twilight joke from a friend of mine

    Jasper is sexy. Too sexy for his shirt. Too sexy that it hurts. Thats why it looks like he's in pain

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJune 29, 2009 at 7:57 PM

    i was looking for twilight jokes to and i found theses there really funny lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownAugust 7, 2009 at 12:41 PM

    yeah... I've seen better.

    If your gonna call somthing funny make sure it makes people laugh!ugh.You just waisted two minutes of mylife. You should feel terriable.

    ReplyDelete
  5. UnknownAugust 10, 2009 at 12:53 AM

    1. Dear Children, we have ran out of Edward Cullens
    2. *picture of Bambi* EC ate my mum
    3. *James holding a video camera ( for the end scene)* Im so posting this on YouTube
    4. EC is proof tht old ppl are sexy
    5. Twilight= best book known to mankind. Edward Cullen= best man known to womankind.
    6. I kissed a vamp and i liked it.. hope the volturi dnt mind it.
    7. *alice and jasper* Jaspice much?
    lol i love these !

    ReplyDelete
  6. Aaron CammOctober 9, 2009 at 4:45 PM

    These jokes are so so so so bad. Absolutely horrendous. They're not even proper jokes.

    ReplyDelete
  7. UnknownNovember 25, 2009 at 9:06 PM

    This isn't a one liner, but it's some twilight humor nonetheless. Who thought french food and vampires could go so well?


    http://www.wakcher.com/blog/2009/11/25/new-moon-and-french-cuisine-mashup/

    ReplyDelete
  8. UnknownMarch 21, 2010 at 4:07 PM

    Edward Cullan is sexy. Too sexy for his shirt. So sexy that it hearts. why dose he have to be in luv with Bella Swan???

    ReplyDelete
  9. UnknownApril 20, 2010 at 5:39 PM

    jacob black{taylor lautner}is hotter

    ReplyDelete
  10. sydney marieJune 20, 2010 at 5:44 PM

    I keep trying to kidnap Jasper but Alice is always at his window with a bat waiting for me, how does she kn- Ooh, rightt... Dang!

    ReplyDelete
  11. bebopJuly 9, 2010 at 3:42 PM

    Those are pathetic! Here's a real joke. What did Edward say to Bella? I'll see u next period!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Alexa12July 14, 2010 at 11:04 AM

    *JACOB is taking a shower*
    edward cullen-its about time
    jacob- let me rephrase- took a shower with bella
    edward cullen-FFFFFFFUUUUUUU
    BELLA-STOP IT JACOB
    jacob-funny, u didnt tell me to stop wen we were in the shower
    edward cullen-im gettting angry
    jacob-wtf are u gonna do about it? sparkle me to death

    *hahahahahahaha love thisss*

    ReplyDelete
  13. JacindaDawnJuly 19, 2010 at 1:54 PM

    You are all lame. Twilight jokes aren't funny anymore. They're now just as annoying as the books, movies, and fans themselves.

    ReplyDelete
  14. AnonymousJuly 22, 2010 at 1:52 PM

    then why did you f*ckin look em up Jacinda Dawn?!
    stupid a$$

    ReplyDelete
  15. UnknownAugust 28, 2010 at 4:25 PM

    Twilight is like watching a soccer match.. young people running around.. lots of heavy breathing.. and nobody scores!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. JacindaDawnOctober 14, 2010 at 8:26 AM

    For your information, mister Nevaeh, I googles 'buy a dog'...not twilight, and I got curious.

    ReplyDelete
  17. UnknownOctober 19, 2010 at 2:22 PM

    lol u guys are argueing over some lame film whats the fucking point

    ReplyDelete
  18. AmberJanuary 3, 2011 at 2:27 AM

    I'm sorry but really people? They are just jokes. If you don't like them, whatever. You don't need to waste your time insulting them, Twilight fans and me. Do something productive, like exiting out of my blog.

    ReplyDelete
  19. UnknownFebruary 8, 2011 at 4:20 AM

    how about this one...: Can we become werewolves? No, we dont have the right jeans ;)

    ReplyDelete
  20. TheFishNovember 29, 2011 at 1:57 PM

    Edward was hungrier for blood than he'd ever been before ,Bella was on her period!

    ReplyDelete
  21. noApril 2, 2012 at 3:43 PM

    Bella- You Are Pale, White and Ice Cold I know what you are.....
    Edward- Say It....Out Loud...SAY IT.....
    Bella-Your VANILLA ICE CREAM

    ReplyDelete

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